Broken Hearted City Girl

Some years after my divorce, I staked my claim on being a City Girl.…. yeah…City Girl-use your imagination.

At some point, I decided that I needed to shift my focus on things that would add value to my life. I prayed, focused on my boys and career, and eventually became content with being single.

AND THEN-I met a guy….

After some research, I learned that he was single. I used my good looks and killer charm to let him know that I was interested. Well super-fast forward, he asks me to meet up. We hung out, had a great conversation, and started to get to know each other.

Oh my gosh, let me tell you, our interactions totally transformed over time! Sis was absolutely baffled because, honestly, my past relationships were simply about lust, one even ended due to physical and emotional abuse.

We started going on dates and having conversations about things that truly matter, swapping parenting tips, diving into our backgrounds, and being completely open and transparent. Did I mention sis was seriously confused?! I never understood how brides could look at their grooms and say they were marrying their best friend. Like, WHAT!

I’m not saying I would do it, but that man had me understand why someone would feel that they are marrying a version of a best friend.

Our connection forged into a true friendship. It was amazing!

That man checked all the boxes, I had to create more boxes because I didn’t realize this type of attention or affection was possible. Remember-City Girl!

I had been closed off to sharing my heart because of previous experiences as a way to protect myself from being hurt. He made me feel seen and heard, validated my feelings, didn't gas light when I brought up a concern, and looked at me in a gentle and compassionate way.

BUT THEN- life…

Our connection dynamically changed.

We attempted to make things work, but it became evident that the relocation had more of an impact than we expected. Our connection concluded without any real closure, leaving my heart broken. Imagine dropping your cell phone face down on the concrete without a screen protector. I was so focused on all of the green flags the year we spent together that I completed ignored and didn't address the red flags that ultimately contributed to our connection ending.

I was so caught up on a romanticized view of how warm and gentle he treated me that I didn't realize that how he treated me is just who he is - naturally caring, affectionate, and attentive.

What I assumed was passionate love, I later learned was just love between friends. Because of how he genuinely treats women that he's interested in and because this treatment was foreign to me, we never had a conversation to clarify our feelings. Let me be clear that I never doubted his love for me, but we were operating in two different versions.

Did I really experience this connection for what it truly was or was I just blinded by being with a kind man with a genuinely caring heart? What did I miss and at what point did I miss it? Think...Bruce Willis in "The Sixth Sense"... ignoring signs that he was actually one of the dead people that Haley Joel Osment was talking to. (Maybe that's a bit dramatic, but you get the point).

I thought for sure, by now, I would not still be a single lady. After all, I've raised my boys, have a career and the time and space to invite someone into my life, and let's just be honest- I'm kinda cute!

What I learned from this heartbreak is that I am, in fact, NOT a City Girl! I care, I want a man’s undivided attention, I want the affection, I want him to speak to my love languages and be a soft place to land at the end of the day.

I don't regret the experience, but it made me realize that I need to be honest about what I truly want, and not let the fear of being alone allow me to accept anything less. I deserve the love that I give to others and to be able to live that love out loud!

It would be easier for me to close off my heart, and say, "what's the point" because it was devastating to learn that our "I love you" meant something different to each of us.

I could choose to go back to making City Girl decisions. But I will be patient and wait for the guy who brings that 90s R&B love and I will make absolutely sure that we are listening to the same song.

Comment and share what you’ve learned from a heartbreaking experience or share your healthy love story to inspire others whose hearts are mending!