Her Love, My Strength

The bond between moms and their children is unlike any relationship in this world. It's a constantly changing emotional ride with its own mix of ups and downs, lessons, and triumphs. Moms usually start off as the main caregiver for their babies, taking them through the toddler years as they learn to walk, explore their world, and gain some independence like eating on their own and using the potty. As those children grow into their teenage years, the mother-child relationship really starts to take shape. In the best scenarios, we listen to our moms' advice and expectations, while moms are supportive, generous, and emotionally present. In the worst scenario, we rebel.

Let's be real, as teenagers, we tend to do exactly the opposite of what our moms tell us. We argue, stay out past curfew, hang out with the "bad boy," and take risks that could get us into trouble. We often go for chaos instead of calm, and that can leave us feeling like our moms just don't get us. Although this is true for some relationships, this was not the case with me. And it's true...I just called my mom, and she confirmed that I was a great daughter!

We eventually become adults and the atmosphere changes when we become parents! It is then that the mother/child relationship really becomes a journey of understanding what it means to be a parent and being primarily responsible for making decisions for our own children.

It wasn’t until recently that I began to share my feelings and experiences with my mom and also understood that as her oldest child it was her first time being a mother, and she did her best in the same way that I did when I became a mom. And in her defense, during my formative years, I didn’t make it easy to connect with me. I was my grandmother Lula's baby. I didn't make room in my heart nor did I have the desire to share my attention with anyone else, especially my mother. At the time, I wasn't aware of the emotional impact that my choices had on my mother. Now that I'm a mom, I understand how it feels when your child rejects you or chooses to listen to the wisdom of someone other than you.

I decided to take a moment to honor my mom. Although we struggled to find our rhythm over the years, I am grateful that we are extremely close now.

I asked my mom a few questions about raising me, her oldest of three children, and here’s what she had to say:

How was your first year of motherhood?

o   Mom: “hard at first; sometimes unbearable; but always had the excitement of being a new mother because I wanted and loved you”

Describe your parenting style during my late teenage years.

o   Mom: “guidance and support”

In what ways do I remind you of yourself?

o   Mom: “the value you place on your appearance”; “always wanting better for yourself”

What’s the nicest thing I’ve done for you in the last three years?

o   Mom: “you actually showed me that you needed me and appreciated me because your grandmother, Lula, took that role when you were a child”

How have I made you the proudest?

o   Mom: “when you made me a grandmother and by never giving up; even through your hardest days”

What do you love most about being a grandmother?

o   Mom: “my five grandchildren are unique, I give love to each and every one of them and the best part about it is that they all love me; I am such a blessed grandmother that words cannot express, and I enjoy my #s 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5”

In what ways would you say our relationship has evolved since I’ve become an adult?

o   Mom: “you value what I say, we have more in common than we ever knew; we found ourselves and what makes each one of us happy”

Bonus question: Do you have a favorite child?

o   Mom: “yes, I have a favorite child”

I wonder how my mom felt when I went off to college or my baby sister graduated high school.

I thought that I would be rejoicing over an empty nest, but I find that although there is freedom in not having to be fully responsible for taking care of little humans, I have to discover who I am as a woman and not just Brice and Jordon's mom. My mom didn't have a "break" between being mom to being Mama Cheryl, grandmother. What I love most about this for her is that she truly enjoyed becoming a grandmother while also still having two school aged children. She is only a text away-unless it's before noon-then we have to call and wake her up...LOL. But there is no appointment, game, graduation, event, or just a simple visit that keeps her away from those five grands. My sister and I joke, "just get Ma to watch the kids," and guess what...Ma watches the youngest three and has the biggest smile when the older two show up to hang. I think her favorite phrase has become "I have all five of my grandkids over here."

Mom, I loved you then and I love you now! I just didn't know how to love you and Gigi at the same time. It is your love that makes me stronger. Thank you for embracing me when I've needed you the most.

In what ways has your relationship with your mother evolved?

How has becoming a parent helped you to value your relationship with your mom?

Any guesses on who's my mom’s favorite child? LOL

Comment and share your story!